to tell or not to tell? 5/5/2009

To tell or Not to tell, that is the questions? Transparent.

What a weekend. Starting Friday, I requested a friend under my male persona in Face book and she accepted. She was a HS friend or really more of an acquaintance, as we never were in the same circles in HS. In those days I was just merely a no-body, with a hand full of friends and no one knew of my alter-ego identity. The fear of being ridiculed and picked on and more of a loner kind of made me not tell a soul. Also the mere fact that I looked so horrid and un-lady like was a sheer turnoff. I looked like Tammy Faye Baker or Mimi from the “Drew Carey Show”, bad makeup skills and bad hair/wig. The only positive thing going for me was that I was short, and weighed like 125 or so pounds. Okay, okay I am rambling sorry….

Back to my HS friend which is my most recent reveal was to, that I mentioned above. I wanted to network with her and possibly help her with her business in some way. So I said to her “I will connect to you with my other profile.” I gave her no prior warning when I added her as a friend under my female profile. To her surprise she was gasping and loved it and commented on my wall, with a positive comment “This is hilarious! I love you even more now! You go girlfriend!” and from there a new friendship emerged.
The other HS friends I have told were 2 other girls, and 2 guys. All positive reactions and understanding of me, some are more curious than others and they ask many questions which I try to answer, I love to educate my friends on this topic and my community.

It’s hard to pick who to tell and when to tell and how to tell someone of your Transgender side. For me it’s the hardest part is who to tell. Coming from a republican strong hold and an affluent area, you can make enemies quick, can ruin your life in a snap. I made a commitment/resolution to tell everyone I knew about me starting in 2007. That’s including old high school friends and church/religious friends and old work friends. I have begun the process, having been out since 1999, coming out in a non traditional way of being a model on an X rated web site,( I will explain in another post at a later date.) Later coming out in public in 2004, then out to family 2005 and slowly out to old friends that I want known of who I am. And to tell any girl I am in a relationship with.

This is a really scary and daunting thing that most CDs/TGs encounter and most are negative or the outcome was not how they pictured it. This is what is pent up within Transgender people, the urge to tell people with out consequences or backlash.
Many transgender individuals wait too long or because of their male responsibilities such as work or being a parent or and being a husband. The few fortunate ones that have found a balance with in both genders and has understanding SO. I have spoken to said that they were honest from the start, and their outcome usually a happy and understanding partnership. Even fewer are out to everyone including work.
Being honest with ones self and allowing others to see who you are with out the stereotypical male ego. Being comfortable in your own skin, if you are not fully accepting of yourself as who and what you are, you will always be hiding. The key to all this is education, educating others of what and who you are. From my experience revealing this side of me, I have had nothing but positive responses and acceptance.

I believe it’s a process of our self acceptance to tell people, and it lifts a huge burden on our shoulders, it frees us from our mind. I accept the consequences of my decisions to revel who and what I am. Honesty to me is the best policy, and if I loose friendships and partnerships it is not my loss, it is theirs and their lack of understanding and education on this community